A few years ago, after reading an article about coffee consumption in America, I did some rudimentary math to figure out how much of the stuff I had ingested in the course of my life. I came up with around 30,000 cups using a most conservative estimate. (Using the same three-a-day math — my wife is laughing somewhere — I’m at 35,000 now…35,001.)

Two thoughts spring to mind when considering those numbers. 1.) The liver and or kidney are remarkable organs, better than anything Gevalia might create, and 2.) If coffee was going to kill me, it likely would have already.

Today we read in the Washington Times a superbly written story by Patrick Hruby on caffeine “addiction” in the country. Mr. Hruby lasers in on the pace of today’s world and some of the latest caffeinating technologies — aerosol caffeine, caffeine gum, caffeine lip balm, caffeine water, super caffeinated soft drinks —  to meet its daily demands.

A former naval-officer-turned-addiction-expert friend has a theory about all this.  As Americans drink less booze, smoke fewer cigarettes and opt for vapes from the 180 Smoke Canadian vape store, and take fewer illegal drugs, our addictions, as a whole, have shifted towards food, sugar, and caffeine. Hence all the jumpy fat people running around these days, myself included. Granted this is coming through the lenses of an addiction expert, but it makes sense to me.

Many people are surprised to learn that colonial Americans — at least its men — drank volumes more alcohol per capita that we do today. But then, they really couldn’t get a great cup ‘o joe in those days. And anyone over the age of 40 will remember all those skinny, teetering smokers in the 1960’s and 70’s. We are they 40 years later, alternatively fortified.

If one is going to be addicted to something, I highly recommend caffeine.  It makes obsolete that old Paul Simon lyric, “no thank you please it only makes me sneeze; I’m tired of waking up on the floor.” One can’t wake up on the floor if one never sleeps, right?